It's weird. I do have a very descructive behavior when I drink. That part scares me and I don't understand it. That's why I need to remain vigilant and not drink at all. I just realized that today is 3 weeks sober for me.
I went to outpatient rehab last year Jan-April. By July I was drinking again. That amd AA don't work. They're good and all, but I'm too stubborn to let it work.
You value drinking more than you value your family.
That's why you pick up a bottle even when you know that you're destructive when you drink, and even though you know that every time you do it you damage your family just a little more.
You're not stubborn, you're selfish. You don't give a shit about your family. You should just leave and let them get on without being dragged down by someone who doesn't give a shit about them.
Or... OR you could change your priorities and your values. That's hard, though, and I doubt you will. You haven't yet, and there's no reason to believe you'll do it now. So let's stop bullshitting. You've made your decision, stop dragging your family down with you.
I really do feel bad for Janessa and the kids. I know what it's like for someone who's supposed to be at the head of a home doesn't give a shit about you. It sucks, and you're a selfish asshole for being that person.
